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MAR109- Mystery of Free Will

2006-10-23-Mystery of Free Will
Marin #109


• 1 Heading
o 1.1 Topic: Mystery of Free Will
o 1.2 Group: Marin TeaM
• 2 Facilitators
o 2.1 Teacher: Nebadonia
o 2.2 TR: JL
• 3 Session
o 3.1 Opening
o 3.2 Lesson
o 3.3 Dialogue
o 3.4 Closing

Topic: Mystery of Free Will
Group: Marin TeaM
Teacher: Nebadonia


Dear Mother Spirit and Michael, We thank you again for these lessons of encouragement, giving us insights and sharing with us your wisdom from your larger point of view. But even more we treasure your presence and all that we can feel–your love, your tenderness and kindness, your deep caring for us. We hope these qualities we feel so directly can come through the words to all the future readers in the coming weeks, or months, or even years. We bid them welcome too, to your presence, and we feel a kind of happiness-in-advance for them. So thank you again. Amen.

NEBADONIA: My dear children, this is Nebadonia, your mother here in Nebadon, our Local Universe, out here on the edges of the gigantic Superuniverse of Orvonton. It’s interesting that when you look up into your night sky of Urantia, you are seeing mostly into the outer space levels and getting a feel, now with your improved astronomical instruments, getting a feel for just how big this corner of the universe is. And isn’t it marvelous? Then you have your Urantia book, your planet’s Fifth Revelation from extra-terrestrial sources, informing you of the millions upon millions of inhabited planets out there among the stars. All this serves a wonderful purpose of expanding your concepts of God, and gives you a small inkling perhaps of what is meant by infinity and absoluteness.

 The mystery of free will

In the last few weeks we’ve touched upon the mystery of how such an absolute and infinite being can create that which is sub-absolute and finite, give them personality and life–a little nudge, if you will–and then let them go to enjoy an individuality–always within him, within his creation, but able to realize what we call free will–the ability to depart from his single great will that sustains us all. So the nature of free will will always be bound about and conditioned by many factors, some of them physical. In your human lives you are endlessly evolving your scientific understanding of God’s laws in the physical realm, both through your Hubble telescope seeing out into the infinite reaches of outer space, and then with your micro-biology and your electron microscopes peering down into the infinitesimal, and not yet finding any bottom. So we could tease you about being a kind of midrange creature, suspended between the infinite and the infinitesimal, and bequeathed/created with this mystery of a free will.

Yet for all your science pointing to a near absoluteness of cause and effect in the physical realm, where does that realm end and your mind begin? What are the dimensions of your mind? What are your mental abilities to realize your free will? How is your free will, then, dependent upon your realization of it? You have that expression, “use it or lose it,” and we’ve likened your life to being in a rushing stream of time that only flows one way, in spite of what your science-fiction might suggest. Time travels down a one-way stream, so all your free will decisions and choices are made on the fly. And do you ever have complete knowledge and wisdom upon which to base your choices? How much freedom do you have within your own moods and emotional states that come and go, understood or not, self-controlled or not, trusted or not?

Do you remember our lessons on your trying to be as clear as you can be within yourself about what is involved in a decision–all the factors; then what your decision is; then what the outcome seems to be; and even how the outcome itself can change over time as your understanding grows? Indeed all this complexity can be quite overwhelming, and is for many people, giving them pause to question the very existence any free will at all. And that can be a true assessment of their particular situation at that moment.

 Your creativity

When we say that your spiritual nature is intrinsic within your personality, we are mainly referring to your creativity, for in this you are most like the Father. When you consider God himself, this is his single greatest attribute. His most profound and far reaching power is his creativity. So what determines the degree to which you can share this quality with him? Creativity is the one thing that supercedes causality for you. It’s some effect, if you will, with no exact antecedent cause. Obviously when you create something new it has many elements deriving from your own personal past experiences, but it is something more than just a mental extrapolation of these elements, more than just a logical re-combination, more than a intellectual association.

But where does it come from? I afraid we can’t say either, other than from your Father-derived spirit. But let us extend to you our delight in the mystery, for it’s like having your own little fountain bubbling inside you. You don’t know what its source is–particularly, but you definitely know that God has something to do with it, for this is how he created you—creative. Your free will–your choices are dependant upon what realizable alternatives you yourself can create.

We’ve been talking about how you develop your own world as you grow up, and how this individual world of yours is comprised of much of your own, somewhat unique creations of perception, interpretation, enhancement. All of you, usually around early adolescence, have had the experience of futility, in some cases loneliness and isolation, when you realized there was so much you could never find expression for. There was so much inside you, and in your world, you could never hope to share, just because you are unique.

 The experience of your own uniqueness

How different people handle this experience is a determining factor in their developing character. Some despair and turn to cynicism, or anger, that they were created this way. Their feeling of individual uniqueness seems to point to a dog-eat-dog kind of struggle for power, no holds bared, if things cannot ultimately be shared and understood: each is alone. Some others have an exactly opposite reaction and willfully struggle to express outwardly themselves and their unique view through all the various creative arts and sciences and crafts. Many reach a final compensating and ironic paradox by realizing this uniqueness is what everyone has in common, and actually constitutes the family of humankind. How liberating, how freeing this realization is. It forms the basis for a kind of release of the need to judge others by seeing each other–as we’ve suggested–as little walking infinities, so ultimately or finally unknowable to each other, you can with good grace just let each other be and enjoy what can be known. Maybe this has something to do with love, and honoring, and respect; might I even suggest delight? For our common, unfathomable uniqueness points to our universal Father.

This realization of uniqueness becomes the basis for exercising your free will. Realize that in this on-the-fly, in-motion, catch-as–catch-can, but very possibly delightful game, there’s a true spiritual spontaneity among yourselves that no one knows where it’s coming from. But it’s real. It’s happening. And almost before you know it, you’re dancing along with it. This is the essence of your free will, my children. Life itself is like that river we talked about one time, that you can swim in, and play with, but you can never hold, no more than you can hold a river in a cup. Life is an essence of spirit that holds you, that is creating you moment to moment, while at the same time it’s not other than you, for this is your essence as well.

This is his essence, in whose image you were created. So if you are wondering where to find your free will, you just have to step off and try. Just let it go, let it well up in you and bubble over. Just kind-of shape it as it moves through you. I pause a while so you can feel: it’s still flowing.

This bubbling fountain of life is essentially you. This is your truest nature. The more you can feel it, my children, the less you will worry about it. For it is a palpable mystery. Here in the heart of this stillness is where you can best feel the life that Michael and I share with you. Here is where you can become aware of that other great spiritual presence, a fragment of God himself, given to you to write the spiritual story of your life. This pure presence of God even knows you in a way you can barely know yourself. For here is a knowledge of your potential that can speak to you, that can help shape your thoughts towards that greater reality of Spirit, that creative, spontaneous realm that contains all others, because God is the First Source and Center of all reality.

His spirit/fragment within you is a loving, independent source of guidance for your own spirit, one that will actually become one with you someday, preserving for both of you your shared soul. This too, my children, is also your free gift from your Father, carrying with it a promise of eternity. This is who and what you are. If you have any questions or comments this evening, feel free to bring them to me.


Student: Mother, you mentioned that my Father Fragment and I someday will be one. It never occurred to me that this Father Fragment and I share my soul that we’re building now. That was a comment: the question is, is there any real need to know which choices we make are caused by antecedents–such as: I like chocolate, so I choose a chocolate candy bar instead of something else? I’m not quite sure of the question. (groups chuckles)

 Choices and habits

NEBADONIA: Well, my son, let me refer you then to all of our discussions on the nature of habits and habituation. Many of the things you take on as a child are only copying those about you, while for others you make a decision once or twice and then continue likewise. This is essentially what habits are–continuing behaviors based unthinkingly upon previous actions, and they can indeed take over most of your waking life, if you let them, if you want them to. But if you don’t, how do you detect something that you unconsciously feel is so much a part of you?

Student: In my case it’s usually something that’s painful, and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to change it, but it’s extremely difficult to do that—such as eating too much.

NEBADONIA: Yes, this is when one of your habits, like an unruly pet, turns around and bites you. (laughter) Definitely this is an opportunity to become aware of it. This is the value of reflection; as one of your philosophers perhaps over-stated, a life without reflection is not worth living. This is just a round-about way of pointing at the value of spontaneity, and getting into a mode of living where you are at least trying to become aware of your habits. We suggest the practice of stillness on a daily basis as a kind of transcendental habit that allows you to perceive anew all the others. By getting a sense of a very living, spontaneous home base within you, you can start out each day thinking about things as they occur to you, one at a time, as you mentally leave this home base of being still and take on your usual activities. Here then is the opportunity to become conscious of what has been long relegated to unconscious habituation. Does this make sense to you?

Student: Yes, Mother, it does. As the saying goes, you hit the nail right on the head; or, you hit the bulls-eye. It looks to me the key is the practice of stillness, which I have a very difficult time even sitting down to do it. I don’t know why—if that’s a habit, or a choice. It’s just extremely difficult to sit down, or even remember to do it.

NEBADONIA: You first have to see the utility, the value of it. As we’ve suggested, just do little ones. Try to deliberately put pauses between different routine activities, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Just stop and let yourself wonder; open yourself to your Thought Adjuster, to you Father’s presence, and ask: what is the best thing I can do—right now. You may find you have a kind of back-log of rather nagging considerations that you have to wade through, but an awareness of them can point to greater health, more peace of mind, catching up with yourself so you don’t feel like you’re being driven along through life by a guilty conscience.

For in one way, my son, you are asking, how do I start anew, when this may apply a dozen times a day. You have to give yourself the opportunity, and face the fear of letting go those daily habits—perhaps almost every day sitting down at a certain time to watch a certain TV program…(student chuckles acknowledgment)—something that simple, but tenacious. Don’t be afraid to feel that fear of: what do I do? Just sit down and open yourself to possibility. You’ll see that adventure is only a moment away.

Student: Thank you, Mother, once again you’ve given me hope, that I’m not all as stuck as I think I am.

 Time, and the inside and outside of experience

NEBADONIA: There is a very natural human fear of precipitating yourself into unknown territory. So I replace my daily TV dosage with something new: then what? (laughter) Then I do this next thing: but then what? Where does it end? But this is what you cannot anticipate. This is what will be different when you ‘re doing it. This is that “inside” and “outside” of experience. You cannot know your own future from the outside, but only the inside as you do it. There is no way around it, my son: you have to step off and exercise your own spontaneity to have it come alive, and learn to trust in it. (Yes…) So think about this other “you,” and give him life, for he will be you when you get there. (chuckle…)

But enough of these time-puzzles. That’s why, this evening, I wanted to point at a very palpable mystery when you try to pick yourself up, when you try to get hold of something that is in motion, and cannot be dissected alive. So give it a try. This more spontaneous you, you wish to give birth to, will thank you profoundly, just as you now appreciate those tough but necessary decisions you‘ve made in the past that got you this far.

Student: Yes. Thank you, Mother, I see instead of stepping off, I’m tip-toeing. I don’t want to do that any more.

NEBADONIA: Yes—you have to stretch your stride there.

Student (laughing): Thank you, mother.

NEBADONIA: Be in my love—take me along with you.

Student:  I will-my pleasure.

Student: I have a comment. I thank you for your topic on seeing the value in suspending judgement. I’ve been continually, daily seeing and understanding the value of that, and how much joy it truly brings, and a sense of equality it gives me. I stepped off! Thank you very much.

 Assessment and judgement

NEBADONIA: Yes, my daughter, I think you will enjoy reading a lesson we gave a few weeks ago on the difference between judgement and assessment being largely one of quantity, meaning you can make small assessments about a person that are necessary as you interrelate with folks, but as you acknowledge the unique infinity of another, you can feel a profound sense of relief that you can’t judge them the way only God can. And even he, who can see the entirety of a person’s personality and soul, even he prizes mercy over judgement; so can we do anything less? I commend you on your realization, my daughter, and wish you all the blessings it will bring you.

Student:  Thank you.

NEBADONIA:  Be in my love.

Student: Yes, mother, What is the propelling me to want to be in a relationship with another woman? Because at times it feels unhealthy, or feels not true to what my heart truly desires. I’m looking at all the subtle points of view that limit my free will. When you mentioned how sometimes—I can’t remember how you phrased it—but it feels like there’s no free will. I feel like my desire to be in a relationship takes over my sensibilities. And I don’t desire that any more—my pet adjustment. I want to come from a place of authenticity. And that’s reverence, not some compunction or compulsive-ness out of loneliness, or neediness. It should be love, or to love. I feel like I’m quite immature in this, quite naive or adolescent. I’m lacking free will.

 Seeking an ideal relationship

NEBADONIA: My son, let me ask you to consider that there is something deep in your spirit and your soul that suggests the possibility—a purely positive possibility—of a relationship with a lady that will, as you put it, blow your socks off, will totally take you beyond you have yet known, because it will contain so many positive aspects along with a wonderful lack of all the negative qualities of neediness or greediness you’ve mentioned. This can be the almost terrible drawing power of a spiritual ideal. So get the feeling of that, and then ask yourself, is this ideal really so foreign? Have you been brainwashed into not even considering such a thing? Or is it part of your own deepest nature to want such a thing, to struggle to find it, not only for yourself, but for her as well?

Student: The thought comes to mind–illusion: there is no special-ness. But I do feel the hopefulness. I’m always, you know, discerning…that I’m not conning myself. Like, God is first, and foremost.

NEBADONIA: But I asked you to consider this positive ideal, and ask yourself if it is coming from your own nature, for in this particular realm, God may have truly set you free. It’s a question of what do you most deeply want?

Student: What are the choices?

NEBADONIA: Those you decide.

Student: You mean it’s either/or? That’s where I get stuck.

NEBADONIA: I’m suggesting that if you entertain the notion this ideal might be coming from your own nature, you might decide it’s worth giving it a try. And then, of course there’s all the practical considerations of: how do you find her? How do you get into this ideal relationship with her? Who is she? What is she?

Student: But is it me? When you say “she,” you don’t necessarily mean someone outside myself.

NEBADONIA: But I do–an ideal relationship with another.

Student: But that’s just a fantasy. It’s interesting listening to this, and noticing how I’m holding onto all this negative stuff, how I’ve been programmed in such a way—or brainwashed, as you say. And you keep on reiterating all the positive—that it is a possibility—to find someone in sync, and conversant with my vision.

NEBADONIA: This is why I wanted to introduce the possibility, so you can see yourself not just avoiding the negative consequences, but entertaining a positive possibility you might choose to work toward. Because there will be some work involved—what you call “the dating game?” (laughter)

Student: I hate the dating game. (more laughter, Mother joining in) That’s what I don’t like. I just want that someone loves me, and I love them, then this love… I don’t like all this stuff beforehand; I just tired of all that. If someone likes me, and I like them, then go for it.

NEBADONIA: But how do you find her?

Student: I guess…stretching myself, and putting myself out there, and taking risks—which you know I do.

NEBADONIA: This is what I meant by “the dating game.”

Student: Along the idea of stretching myself, and it seems to be happening more for me as I open myself to the abundant possibilities that exist before me; I am trying to be open to more prosperity-consciousness. It seems so Marin, so new-age—talking in this way, but I open myself to the abundance the universe has to offer—to everyone. So I notice these subtle points of view I hold, about how can I seek God within myself, and also want to know wealth, to know abundance. It seems like there’s a part of me that always wants to be impoverished so I’m always on edge, I’m always praying—in a sense, I’m always wanting, I’m always looking or seeking toward God. That if I allow myself to experience prosperity, then somehow I’ll become complacent and that edge would dissipate. Do you understand what I mean?

NEBADONIA: Very much so, my son. This is more common than you may credit. (laughter)

Student: Exactly—like I alluded to this before in another conversation, about being afraid of my own power. It all runs along that line. I’m afraid of experiencing all the positive abundance, all that—then I’m in fear of forgetting. Maybe I’m selling myself short, because I have come a long way, in the past five or six years.

 Material gains VS soul possessions

NEBADONIA: I believe it was expressed beautifully one time as, what good does it do a man to gain the world and loose his soul. This is a very righteous kind of fear…

Student: But I don’t want it to limit me as well.

NEBADONIA: Exactly–because it is a fear. Hopefully there is a way of transcending it, a way of keeping in touch with spirit irrespective of the ups and downs of your more financial situation.

Student: Yeah, because I don’t think I would intrinsically change if I won, like, forty million dollars—hint, hint. (much laughter) I don’t think I would…my soul would really change my desire to express God, and all of his attributes. If that happened, I could do a lot of good with that.

NEBADONIA: These are essentially imaginary tools by which you are trying to measure values, qualities.

Student: But then again, I could have nothing and still be a value to others.

NEBADONIA: To get back to your original question–feeling an uneasiness in wanting an ideal life-partner… This is why I asked you if you would consider this in a positive way, so you can shape your desires, articulate them to yourself, wrestle with them if you need to. But keep your thoughts out there ahead of yourself. Think ahead. Use as much wisdom and foresight as you can to get to these places you want to be. Otherwise the hunger in your soul will drive you, even for your own good.

Student: How does that look–to think ahead and allow the ideal to come forth in that way, or to open and grow into this ideal?

 Using foresight

NEBADONIA: It depends–especially in terms of finding this lady you wish to spend your life with. That’s why we kidded back and forth about dating or whatever that might take. Be specific, concrete, right down to earth about what you want and how you’re going to get it. That’s foresight, and it’s based on all your wisdom: what’s been possible so far, and yet extrapolating how you’ve been growing, how you‘ve been reaping the rewards of being open and surpassing yourself into new territory. That’s what I mean by thinking ahead: making plans, trying things, seeing what works and what doesn’t.

Student: Is there someone in my current sphere right now, who’s open to that possibility?

NEBADONIA: You’re the only one who can answer that

Student (laughing): I knew you were going to say that! Give me an initial. (much laughter all around)

NEBADONIA: I will say: until you are ready, she will not appear. She might be right alongside you already.

Student: I hope it’s not my ex-wife… OK.

NEBADONIA: So get ready. I think you can immediately feel what that suggestion precipitates.

Student: On a side note: what do you think of my little grand-daughter? She’s such a beautiful bundle of awareness. I thank the Holy Spirit for bringing her into our lives.

NEBADONIA: To that we say, amen: let it be so.

Student: Thank you.

NEBADONIA: You’re welcome, my son. It was your question, and I did my best to point you at the answer. Be in my love.

Student: Maybe we can go out. (still a lot of laughter) I know what you’re going to say.

NEBADONIA: What is that?

Student: We’re already always out together.

NEBADONIA: There you anticipated me most correctly: I’ll be there with you; and with her. You are getting an ability to detect soul-realities. This is the greatest growing-tool you have. Michael recently answered a question about: do Thought Adjusters get together and arrange these matches? He answered that Adjuster-to-Adjuster communication is what you consciously register as another person’s soul. Your trying to understand all the different kinds of love, and relationships, is that quest for the reality of soul.


So good evening once again, my dear children. It’s been a wonderful time for me. Thank you for lending me your ears, and your hearts. I can see how open you are to riding along on what I am offering. These times we share are joyous indeed. Be in my love.

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