1998-02-22. Intimacy
Nashville #52
Topic: Intimacy
Group: Nashville TeaM
Teacher: Ham
TR: Rebecca
Opening
Ham: Greetings, children, I am Ham and I greet you all tonight and am happy you have come. Tonight, we shall discuss what intimacy really is.
Lesson
Intimacy, Gender
You are all aware of where you feel personal intimacy begins. There is a threshold of distance that normally separates people, what can be easily discussed without breaking this intimacy threshold. If the intimacy threshold is broken prematurely, it causes embarrassment. All of you take time to gradually reveal what is behind the intimacy threshold to another person. Normally, you do not speak what is in your heart. This is what gives society a smooth functioning, everyone stays on subjects or behaviors outside the intimacy threshold in most social situations.
Everyone has a different intimacy threshold. Those who work creatively routinely bring that intimacy threshold down to reveal publicly intimate details of their lives. Think about your intimacy threshold, that bubble or sphere that you maintain around yourself and your inner most feelings and thoughts. Think about the times when you have consciously lowered this threshold to establish a friendship. Friendships are formed and maintained by revealing more inner details of your feelings than you normally would.
Men tend to form friendships a little differently than women do. Men are more bonded through shared experience and the working relationship that is formed through shared experience. Men feel themselves to be revealed through their actions and through observing the actions of another. Women tend to bond more through the sharing of feelings and emotional experience verbally. Men don’t feel the need to open up in this same way. Women tend to feel that this lowering of the intimacy threshold through verbal sharing with another person, male of female, creates a bonding. Men do not feel this, but rather are bonded through time spent together and shared experience. In other words, men’ s intimacy threshold is lowered naturally over a time period spent with another person. A woman more consciously lowers this threshold and is more consciously self-revealing.
As you grow in the spirit, this intimacy threshold gradually lowers and you become more comfortable with self-revelation in any context. When Jesus said, “who i s my mother, who is my brother”, he was expressing his feeling that he is equally self -revelatory with all people, felt equally intimate with his followers as with his blood family. In other words, he was at home with those who felt at home with him. Most humans are the most intimate with their immediate family, somewhat intimate with their close friends, rarely intimate with associates, and not intimate at all with strangers. As you grow in the spirit, and begin to feel equally at home with strangers as you are with family, then you will feel truly at home in the universe.
So, as you go through your week ahead, think about lowering the intimacy threshold, think about being comfortable and being yourself with all manner of people. When you welcome the stranger as you would welcome your brother, then you are truly following the Master’s footsteps. Questions?
Dialogue
Sex, Marriage, Gender
Q: A couple of week ago I asked a question regarding the proper role of sex in human relationships, in light of this evenings lesson would you care to address that?
Ham: Yes. For society to function and for the family unit to be stable, sexual intimacy must be reserved for the two partners in home building. Sexual promiscuity is destructive of self-esteem and also destructive of family unity. In other words, it is correct to reserve sexual intimacy for only one person. Does this answer?
Q: Yes, thank you very much.
Q: Intimacy connotes a lack of fear, is that correct?
Ham: Yes. This is a wise observation.
Q: The difference in how men and women experience and develop intimacy leads to conflicts, correct? Is there more you could say about that?
Ham: Yes. I will not go into the conflicts that occur due to this difference of perception and of bonding. You all have experienced some and this is enough. No need to dwell on the negative.
Q: As we progress more spiritually, do men become more comfortable talking about their feelings and interacting in that style?
Ham: Yes, absolutely. Men tend to incorporate a more intimate interaction with all people. Women have a more difficult time doing this because they are used to consciously raising and lowering their intimacy barrier.
Q: I could perceive where as we grow spiritually, our present intimate relationships, like with family, those people might feel threatened or jealous as they perceive us becoming more intimate with strangers. I have experienced this myself, and it relates to what the Urantia Book talks about with Jesus and his biological family. Could you talk about preserving intimate relationships as we enlarge our arena of intimacy?
Ham: Each person must follow their own spiritual path. The strength of each person in a relationship is not dependent on the other. Each one must be willing to allow the other to follow their own spiritual pathway. Change is always threatening to one who is afraid to change and perceiving change in their mate makes them even m ore fearful. So, growing together spiritually in a relationship of course is best. When both people put spiritual growth first, the relationships are generally strongest. Al l relationships involve some letting go and this is a difficult thing for humans to understand. But each person in the relationship dynamic has to feel free to grow and to pursue their spiritual guidance, otherwise their will be discord and conflict. Is this helping?
Yes, thank you very much.
Relics
Q: The shroud of Turin is back in the news and if you are familiar with the relic which is thought to be the burial shroud of Jesus, would you comment on whether it is an authentic thing?
Ham: As you know, the Master’s intention was to leave no relic behind. This was the purpose of the “cremation” in the tomb.[1] Midwayers and angels alike also worked to insure that no relic came into the consciousness of humanity with the result being that the actual fact of his death became like a relic or a magic word or magic place. The human desire for something tangibly magic is very strong. So the church grew up anyway around the fact of his death, rather than around a shroud or a grail. So , I will not comment directly as to whether or not the shroud was Jesus’s shroud. It doesn’t really matter at this point in time anyway.
Q: Thank you for the lesson tonight. Do you have any parting words for me since I have to be leaving in a few minutes.
Yes, daughter, you are doing very well and are making great spiritual progress during this time. Often times these inner feelings of disturbance are preliminary to a new spiritual opening. Give thanks and be full of gratitude for all your trials. Have no fear, for you do very well and are just where you should be and learning and growing and becoming everything the Father intends you to be.
Q: Thank you Ham, do you have any helpful suggestions on a better way to deal with this quiet inside. Sometimes it puts a level of intensity that I fell like I am on the verge of doing something really drastic which would probably be stupid. Suppressing it does not seem to help or to accomplish anything of good.
Ham: I would not make any decisions when feeling that way.
Q: Thank you.
Q: Do you have anything for Esmirelda?
Ham: Yes, daughter, you are doing very well. You are learning to release the control of things that are too much to be under the control of. You are finding peace within yourself and a quiet joy that fills you with gratitude. This is wonderful. We are very happy.
Q: Elena?
Ham: Yes child, you are coming through this transition time well. Give yourself plenty of space, don’t rush any decisions. Remember that you are a beloved child of God and that the Father cares for you in every way. Be at peace, all is well.
Q: Do you have anything for Rebecca?
Ham: Rebecca, you are entering a new phase of your life. You must not focus on the ground and its pitfalls at you feet. Focus ahead on the future and walk steadily toward your goals. You will find the holes in the road are made smooth. Fear not, all is well child, you are doing very well.
Q: For Jarad.
Ham: Jarad, you are doing wonderfully well. You are stepping forward with ease and grace into new areas and are truly remarkable in your faith and assurance . You are doing well and are truly making great spiritual strides.
Q: I would appreciate feedback from you this week.
Ham: Brodan, your path has been gradually unfolding. But, there are periods of spiritual breakthrough and plateaus. You are entering a time of change and spiritual breakthrough which will be somewhat disconcerting but stimulating and wonderful as well. These few steps of spiritual transformation are difficult and yet very rewarding at the same time. It’s like you are climbing a mountain and right now you are on a hard rocky cliff going up. But, when you reach the top there is a beautiful meadow where you can rest and enjoy the fruits of your labor. So, keep persevering. You will reach the meadow soon.
Q: I would appreciate a message please.
Ham: Kellan, there are some changes in your future as well, mostly inner changes. You are already doing very well and these inner changes will help facilitate your overall spiritual transformation. You are truly becoming every day a better you. Be at ease, and go in peace.
Q: Ham I would appreciate any advice you have for me.
Ham: Yes, son, you are learning to open up to other people, to reach out in friendship and for business. You are beginning to learn to cherish your contacts and to nurture these. Soon you will be able to reap some benefit from your work.
Q: Is there anything about my mother that you can tell me?
Ham: Yes, she is resurrected on the first mansion world and is undergoing some testing and will have a rest time shortly.
Closing
You are all my beloved friends, children, and colleagues. I wouldn’t be surprised to see you all pass me by in the future. Farewell, my prayers are with you all until next time.
