2005-05-23. Mary: My Story
Woods Cross #506
Topic: Mary: My Story
Group: Woods Cross TeaM
Teacher: Abraham, Mary
TR: Nina
Opening
ABRAHAM: I am ABRAHAM. Greetings. I always love this time of year here in this region. The spring like weather helps our minds to focus on new things, on re-birth and becoming free from past regret.
As you know, from time to time I am given the task to train new teachers. You are the average mortal group, which is good for the beginning training of new teacher prospects. I tell my teachers in training that your open-mindedness and craving for truth make you wonderful students. For quite some time now you do your utmost to place Father as your Sovereign, which makes it easy for the accuracy of words to come through. Again, I leave you to Sister MARY.
Lesson
MARY: Greetings, my friends, for me it feels like you, the students, are training the teacher and I am probably over enthusiastic to learn. I am finding teaching to work best when we start from the beginning. Our experience is all we know. We are an expert at our own experience. I believe in telling you my story many of you will relate and in the understanding, we can all make sense out of it and find healing. Mind you, as I speak I mean not to elicit sympathy. I simply mean to share my story with practicality with those who know whereof I speak.
As a child I had always felt unwanted, underfoot, and defective in one way or another. My mother had her own difficulties. She was quite a fearful woman. She was always in search of something I think she never found. To her, Father was an angry deity, whose main task was to punish the unrighteous. Her prayers were fearful, they were always apologetic and seriously–there was really never anything to apologize for. To her, learning the ways of righteousness were indeed more important than love and nurturing. I deeply missed that love you can only receive from your mother.
My father was rarely present in the home. He took to drunkenness and other women. He placed very little value on women. To him they were to be used, as you would use any animal. Many a night in his drunkenness I saw him beat my mother. I saw her cower. She never fought back or did one thing to change her situation. I always wished I had been born male. I learned early on that women seemed to have little value. I also missed that fatherly affection and I suppose I spent a great deal of time looking for it.
I mean not to sound as if my childhood was a complete misery, no. I would spend time with the other women in the village helping them to do chores and reaping their precious praise. I did see examples of loving families and so wanted that for myself. I had some close childhood playmates, which we would act out our fantasies of being some sort of super hero or savior to the world. Always would we be valued and loved for our kind works.
By the time I reached my teen years I was quite confused about God. I figured my father placed women in a league with farm animals and so too that must be true with God. Having very little personal value or esteem, I allowed myself to be used and abused. I also learned how to use my charm for profit. I felt there was not a soul who was going to help me along in this life, so I may as well learn to help myself. I had deep anger and resentment toward men, seeing how they thought themselves superior and women as mere servants. At this point I cared not who I hurt. The anger was indeed overpowering.
I began to make small attempts at rallying women to band together and demand some sort of justice–not even equality, just some sort of small justice. Most women of that day and age were fearful, but there were still some women whose strength was silent and in that I learned a valuable lesson. I needed not a podium to be noticed and heard, no. I needed to help one woman at a time.
Eventually I married a man who was abusive, like my father and again my mind wavered between weakness and my true desires. I had my place, but I was still so unhappy. How could a God be good for some but not for all? Believe me, I had some issues over this. I do however thank God for the day when I had met my friends, who would later become the women apostles and servers of Christ. This was indeed life changing and the beginning of the melting of my icy heart.
To listen to the Master speak filled me with a new esteem, a new hope, a new place in the Kingdom. Jesus taught me that Father was not watching for me to err and then punish me, no. He was a helpmate. He did love us all, rich, poor, free or bond, male or female. The charm and majesty from this God-man filled me with the drive to serve Him, to follow Him wherever He went and do whatever I could to further the growth of the Kingdom. No task was too small, caring for the elderly, the sick, children, gardening, cleaning, it didn’t matter. It was all for Him and the coming Kingdom.
Closing
I will stop there. I am not yet permitted to answer questions. You are a joy, my friends. Farewell.
ABRAHAM: I am ABRAHAM. Well done Mary. I believe we have a great deal to learn from you. Mary spoke of past childhood beliefs that solidified on into adulthood. Let us review our own beliefs that may have become a part of us that possibly do not pertain any longer. I love you children. Go in peace. Until next time, shalom.
