2002-04-02. David and Alana
Costa Rica #83
Topic: Alana on Prayer
Group: Costa Rica TeaM
Teacher: Alana, Davina, Song
TR: S. Butterfield
T/R : Father, I open my heart to your guidance. Mother, I welcome you into my heart. Lead me and I will follow. Open my heart and my mind to your love.
Alana : Yes, this is Alana.
David : Welcome, Alana.
Alana : So, it has been a vacation of travelling through the many tensions of the mind. And now, you would return to the heart room. Yes?
David : Yes.
Alana : So, let us begin. Open your heart to one another. Allow my love to flow between you. Empty your minds of the many thoughts that have been created as a means to handle the confusion of tension created by the many pulls and tugs upon your stability, peace and balance. Open your hearts. Open your minds. Open to the breath of my love. Allow the Mother to embrace you. Be willing to listen to the Father’s leading by love. Be willing to pause in your conversation to allow the Mother’s love to coat your tongues with the gentle honey which is the essence of her spirit. Allow, allow Legion to touch the many openings in your backs, now. Let him breathe through you the strength of his love, his certainty. Surrender the tension, the pain that cramps your mind. Let Legion’s love pour through you and blend with my love as we breathe you into the space, the center, of the heart room. So, you would know more about your partner. Yes?
David : Yes.
Alana : She struggles to realign her body and to release herself from the pattern of willingness to try to please all. The tension of such an impossible task elicits pain in mind, heart, and body. This you should know, for this is your weakness as well; not a weakness to be criticized, but rather an inclination to be managed. The desire to do the will of God is the desire to do good unto others, but this will must be allowed in concert with the natural and learned limitations of the individual body and mind.
Your transmitter has needed a “break,” as you say. The difficulty with the need is a difficulty of understanding: it is confused by fear, a “break” representing a “breakdown,” rather than a gentle pause before moving on. She becomes fearful when she feels this need, and guilt begins to shape her mind. She becomes fearful of friction, withdraws into the familiar cocoon of doubt, that gives her a “break” without refreshment. She will survive this momentary darkness. She will come out. She knows the pathway has been made eternally clear to her. Still, we must be gentle upon her heart, for the lingering fear that she can be lost, is one that must be pulled out, but not like yanking the hair from the head, rather like allowing Davina’s love, Legion’s certainty, and my embrace to gently wash the fear away. So, welcome again into my heart room, beloved Sir David. I am here to blow love upon your face. We have a few moments to speak with you.
David : Could you be kind enough to reiterate what you said about the weakness that both my partner and I have, I didn’t quite catch that.
Alana : You would please everyone, unless, of course, someone greatly displeases you. She, indeed, you have said, has greater tolerance, patience, although we might pick at that idea and reveal the pattern of her need. But you, my beloved, would give to others even what is not yours to give, without question, as you are driven by an old understanding derived from the immature mind. And so, when the giving is not rewarded, in your understanding, the remnants of the immature mind create a frustration. Even when this is held in reign, nevertheless, it spills out like a heavy rain that creates a flood taking away both the unwanted mud and the necessary foundation for the stability of love. Does this enhance your understanding?
Alana : Yes, my beloved. Your vulnerability is like a little child curled up in a dark corner. Having sought the darkness, he now believes in that which he has created, a world of shadows and isolation. She represents to you a steadiness of love, but whose imperfections stir up in you the white water of turbulence, much like the rocks that break up a beautiful and tranquil stream, bending the flow, disrupting the flow. This, my friend, you must learn to incorporate into your emotional structure. As a child, you saw your mother’s love as a pure light, untarnished by impure thought or motive. You yearned for this love which had been poured upon you in its fullest and most glorious flow, giving you the floating sense of joy of one in the middle of a tranquil stream with the sun shining and the flowers gracing you with their fragrance and the purity of nature’s harmony. But your mother, as pure as she seemed to you, also struggled with human limitation, and this, my beloved, became for you an absence, an emptiness of love within, which, combined with the sternness of an autocratic father, you began to bring upon yourself, so that the beautiful mother could remain a pure light, untarnished, but beyond your grasp, for all the guilt and shame.
You learned to delight in the female attention that came your way, and you gave this ease of attention a meaning that covered the pages of your yearning with the leitmotif of love, but could not reach down into the original tenderness and purity of heart that was the original child. Your love for you beloved is so great that you would have it erase that original painful point of vulnerability, but this, my friend, she can not do. Like your mother, for all her devotion, she can not reverse that pattern of fear. She, like your mother, has imperfections…correction…the human imperfections of love. But unlike your mother, these imperfections are given an expression that grates upon your desire for her perfect love. And when you are scratched, your heart retreats to that dark corner of isolation, even if surrounded by many who would give you love.
You are quick to imagine the blow has come that will wipe out the love and joy you have known. This, my friend, is a repetition of the deep shame, fear, and guilt the young child stored in his frightened heart each time the righteousness of a determined father broke upon your body with the harshness of physical force. This blocked out his love, and there was no mother spirit to turn to, to trust, and to seek protection. This experience, my friend, is as an empty corridor in the mind, the dark corner of isolation. The immature mind could not sort out the furious confusion of the father’s righteousness, and the wishing for her comfort. Absence of her comfort at those times was the imperfection of your mother’s love.
The child held imperfectly to an idea of strength that is immobile in its righteousness of construction. And held also to the belief that love could be lost to him, gone missing. This creates in your adult mind, still hampered by the immature construction of understanding, an instability that can be triggered when your dream of perfection is disturbed by the unwanted imperfection in your wife. You must work with me and Legion to master that initial impulse to enter into the familiar darkness of that corner, which is like a closet; you shut the door to protect yourself from what you see, but in the darkness you forget you have the power to open the door and allow the greater light to shine within. And so, curled up you believe the darkness is all there is. Until, in the silence you begin to hear, “there is a light within knocking on the door of your heart and mind.”
Alana : As you increase your ability to allow the light within to quickly disappear the familiar walls of that closet, that corner of darkness, you will increase your ability to communicate with your partner and many others without the shadows of that ancient fear of imperfection. And without the ancient strain of righteousness. It is a difficult pattern, not yours alone, the fear of imperfection in yourself, or in your beloveds. You are drawn to hanging on to the rope of righteousness that is so real to the mind, but it is attached to nothing. Love is the only strength you have, and love has no need to be strapped to the limitations of the narrowness of mind, nor does love strap another with the limitations of human fear and uncertainty. You will never, my friend, be as great as the spectre of your father standing above you with his righteousness at hand, but that greatness is as nothing to the power of love. As you shed the ancient fear and perspective, you will know the love your father had for you was real, if twisted by human limitation and narrowness of mental understanding. As you relax into knowing you are a child of God, loved beyond your imperfections, so you will let go of that ancient yearning for the pure love from your mother which you could see, but could not touch, which you had received, but it was always missing in the time of your greatest emotional need for understanding of the father’s love. Letting go of this pattern of missing, and allowing a full acceptance of your mother’s limitations and imperfection, you will no longer fear the same in your beloved. You will learn a calmness as the flowing river embraces the rocks and flows on. You will no longer need the fear of vulnerability that you learned as a child, the fear that once vulnerable, the missing of love will occur, and go on, righteously, punishing, you who were too small. Your strength, my beloved, is of a different nature from that which you were taught as a child. Your strength, my beloved, is in your vulnerability to love.
Davina : And this is Davina.
David : Welcome, Davina.
Davina : I have entered her mind so as to lift her up, and you, to assist you in sweeping those cobwebs of fear and doubt away. There is no need to keep them around as ropes to bind your minds and hearts. Surrender them, and remember me.
Song : And open, my friend, to me, your song, your teacher, your intimate companion ready to give solace when the intimacy you seek from another fails to be given. Turn to me, rather than the storm of confusion, turn to me. Thank you.
David : Thank you.
Alana : My beloved, this is Alana reminding you to welcome change with love. Thank you.
David : Thank you.