2021-01-11. The Work of Byron Katie
I want to introduce to you Byron Katie and her process of helping others to challenge their negative and mostly erroneous belief systems and overcoming the thoughts that make them very much less than they should be. In a key way, this is another way to slice David Hawkins’ writings on levels of consciousness.
Did I say the word “should”? Should is one of those words, along with could and would, that need constant vigilance against to keep a sane and truthful mind.
In her masterful work, Loving What Is, Byron Katie lays out her approach to healing us of our misconceptions and false beliefs by a process of testing those erroneous ideas and falsehoods. She calls her process “The Work.”
There is no way I can adequately describe how she tackles these issues or why she came to understand the power of the process. All I can do here is highlight some key phrases in hopes that you will be encouraged to pick up her book, read it, and discover a new way of testing and thinking about the kinds of beliefs that do not serve you, or me, or anyone else. As the Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “we are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens.” And as our thinking changes, as our thoughts grasp what the truth is about our thoughts, our understanding changes about life with a whole new perspective that embraces the truth of who we are and why we are here.
For example, as Ms Katie says, “Whenever we experience a stressful feeling—anything from mild discomfort to intense sorrow, rage, or despair—we can be certain that there is a specific thought causing our reaction, whether or not we are conscious of it. The way to end our stress is to investigate the thinking that lies behind it….”
Her process, The Work, entails asking four questions that will reveal where our thinking is not true. She also calls the process the “inquiry” and is similar to the Zen koan and the Socratic method. And the four questions “… we discover that all the concepts and judgments that we believe or take for granted are distortions of things as they really are. When we believe our thoughts instead of what is really true for us, we experience the kinds of emotional distress that we call suffering.”
Whether we like it or not, to believe it or not, our minds tend to attach to uninvestigated concepts that we believe to be true in the moment. She tells us, the “only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.” The “suffering” she refers to is the negative feelings we have about our thoughts and our dealings with other folks. The “suffering” is an alarm telling you that what you are thinking is not what is true.
The value of The Work “… is that it allows you to go inside and find your own happiness, to experience what already exists within you, unchanging, immovable, ever-present, ever-waiting. No teacher is necessary. You are the teacher you’ve been waiting for. You are the one who can end your own suffering.” All of the stress that we experience is due to our arguing with what is.
As we are told, when we argue with reality, we lose, “… but only 100 percent of the time.”
The difference between what we think should or could or would have happened if such and such did something or might have done something, and what did happen is that what did happen was what was supposed to happen. Reality is what did happen, what is. It is not what should have or could have or ought to have happened. But in order to work through what reality is, you have to question the thinking––consciously or unconsciously––that gives you the suffering in the first place.
I like her idea that there are three kinds of businesses: my business, your business, and God’s business, which is everything else. To the extent that I am in someone else’s business, I am fooling myself. When I am worried about events that might include pandemics, floods, fires, earthquakes, then I am in God’s business. That is anything that is out of my control, your control, or anyone’s control. That does not mean I am not discerning about where I am or my awareness of what is going on around me that might impact me at that moment or shortly thereafter. But much of our stress comes from “mentally living out of our own business.”
“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” And “most people think that they are what their thoughts tell them they are.” Once we believe a thought is true, without inquiry, that can be the beginning of suffering. As we come to inquire about the truthfulness of our own thinking we can detach from them; we meet these thoughts with understanding and then the thoughts let go.
Katie calls those untested thoughts “stories” and “the dream,” as they are uninvestigated theories or ideas about what the thoughts mean, even though we don’t understand they are just theories. She even goes so far as to say “I have never experienced a stressful feeling that wasn’t caused by attaching to an untrue thought. Behind every uncomfortable feeling, there’s a thought that isn’t true for us.”
To break free from those suffering thoughts, Katie gives us four questions and a “turnaround.” Here are the four questions:
- Is it true? (Yes or no. If your answer is no, move to question 3.)
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
Anyone can apply this process to themselves to help them understand where their beliefs come from and perhaps why. There are no right or wrong answers. Just sit and listen for the answers that come from within. Your answers are yours; your friend’s answers are his or hers. Do not confuse them.
When Katie is working with another person she will sometimes add another question or two after question 3: “Can you see a reason to drop that thought?” and “Can you find one stress-free reason to keep the thought?” These are follow-ups to the third question, “How do you react when you think that thought?” She also points out she is not suggesting they drop the thought, but that how would they feel if they did.
The situation examples Katie provides are taken from a broad range of beliefs from many different relationships between people. And she works through a process of doing The Work on what we might call “underlying beliefs.” Beneath the judgments that we or others all have, “… we can often find other thoughts that we’ve believed for years and that we use as our fundamental judgments of life. Underlying beliefs are broader, more general versions of our stories. They’re like religions that we unconsciously live.”
Here are examples of some of those beliefs:
“It’s possible to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Life is unfair.
It’s necessary to know what to do.
I can feel your pain.
Death is sad.
It’s possible to miss out on something.
If I don’t suffer, it means that I don’t care.
God will punish me if I’m not good.
Children are supposed to like their parents.
Something terrible could happen to me.
Parents are responsible for their children’s choices.
It’s possible to make a mistake.
There is evil in the world.”
In every case above, these underlying thoughts cause suffering. They are subjectively felt to be true In every case, and while, objectively, they may appear to be true, they are, when tested, found to be false within the mind of the inquirer.
Finally, as an example here is an abbreviated dialogue between Katie and Henry. The point is not to show how someone thinks about death, but rather to illustrate the approach Katie uses The Work in this instance.
Henry: I’m angry at death because it destroys me. I’m afraid of dying. I can’t accept death. Death should let me be reincarnated. Death is painful. Death is the end. I never want to experience the fear of death again.
Katie: Let’s start at the top. Read your first statement again.
Henry: I’m angry at death because it destroys me.
Katie: If you want to live in terror, get a future. That’s quite a future you’ve planned, sweetheart. Let’s hear the next statement.
Henry: I’m afraid of dying.
Katie: What’s the worst that could happen when you die? Let’s play with that.
Henry: The death of my body.
Katie: And then what will happen?
Henry: I don’t know.
Katie: Well, what do you think is the worst that could happen? You think that something terrible could happen. What is it?
Henry: That death is the end, and I’m not born again. And that there is no soul.
Katie: And then? You’re not born again. There is no soul. So far, there’s nothing. So far, the worst that can happen to you is nothing. And then?
Henry: Yes, but it’s painful.
Katie: So the nothing is painful.
Henry: Yes.
Katie: Can you really know that that’s true? How can nothing be painful? How can it be anything? Nothing is nothing.
Henry: I imagine this nothing as a black hole that is very uncomfortable.
Katie: So nothing is a black hole. Can you really know that that’s true? I’m not saying it’s not true. I know how you love your stories. It’s the old black-hole story.
Henry: I think that’s the worst thing that could happen.
Katie: Okay. So when you die, you would go into a big, black hole forever.
Henry: Or to hell. I call this black hole hell.
Katie: A big, black hell-hole forever.
Henry: And it is a hell fire.
Katie: A big, black hell-hole fire forever.
Henry: Yes, and it’s turned away from God.
Katie: Totally away from God. Fire and darkness in this big, black hell-hole forever. I want to ask you, can you absolutely know that that’s true?
Henry: No. I can’t.
Katie: How does it feel when you believe that thought?
Henry [crying]: It’s painful. It’s horrible.
Katie: Sweetheart, look at me. Are you in touch with what you’re feeling right now? Look at yourself. This is “the dark hole of hell. You’re in it. It doesn’t come later; you’re living your story of your future death right now. This terror is as bad as it gets. Can you see a reason to drop this story? And I’m not asking you to drop it.
Henry: Yes.
Katie: Give me a reason to keep this story that doesn’t feel like being in a dark fire from hell.
Henry: I can’t.
Katie: Who or what would you be without this story? You’ve already been living the worst that could happen. Imagination without investigation. Lost in hell. No way out.
Henry: Pushed away from God.
Katie: Yes, angel, pushed away from the awareness of God in your life. You can’t push yourself away from God; that’s not a possibility. You can only push yourself away from the awareness of God within you, for a while. As long as you worship this old idol, this old black-hole story of yours, there’s no room for any awareness of God in you. This story is what you’ve been worshiping like a child, in pure innocence. Let’s look at the next statement.
Henry: I’m afraid of dying.
Katie: I understand that. But no one is afraid of dying; they’re just afraid of their story about dying. Look at what you think death is. You’ve been describing your life, not death. This is the story of your life.
Henry: Hmmm. Yes.
Katie: Let’s look at the next statement.
Henry: I can’t accept death.
Katie: Is that true?
Henry: Well, yes. I have a lot of trouble accepting it.
Katie: Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you can’t accept death?
Henry: It’s hard to believe that that’s possible.
Katie: When you’re not thinking about death, you fully accept it. You’re not worrying about it at all. Think of your foot.
Henry: Okay.
Katie: Did you have a foot before you thought of it? Where was it? When there’s no thought, there’s no foot. When there’s no thought of death, there’s no death.
Henry: Really? I can’t believe it’s that simple.
Katie: How do you react, how do you feel, when you believe the thought “I can’t accept death”?
Henry: Helpless. Frightened.
Katie: What would you be in your life without this story “I can’t accept death”?
Henry: What would my life be without that thought? It would be beautiful.
Katie: “I can’t accept death”—turn it around.
Henry: I can accept death.
Katie: Everyone can. Everyone does. There’s no decision in death. People who know that there’s no hope are free. The decision’s out of their hands. It has always been that way, but some people have to die bodily to find out. No wonder they smile on their deathbeds. Dying is everything they were looking for in life. Their delusion of being in charge is over. When there’s no choice, there’s no fear. And in that, there is peace. They realize that they’re home and that they’ve never left.
Henry: This fear of losing control is very strong. And also this fear of love. It’s all connected.
Katie: It’s terrifying to think you could lose control, even though the truth is that you never had it in the first place. That’s the death of fantasy and the birth of reality. Let’s look at the next statement.
Henry: Death should let me be reincarnated.
Katie: “You should be reincarnated”—can you really know that that’s true? Welcome to the story of a future.
Henry: No. I can’t know if that’s true.
Katie: You don’t even like it this time around. Why do you want to do it again? [Henry laughs.] “Boy, what a dark hole this is. Hmm, I think I’ll come back again.” [The audience laughs.] “You want to come back again”—is that true?
Henry [laughing]: No, it’s not. I don’t want to be reincarnated. It was a mistake.
Katie: “We reincarnate”—can you absolutely know that that’s true?
Henry: No, I’ve just heard and read that we do.
Katie: How do you react when you think that thought?
Henry: I feel anxious about what I’m doing now, because I think I may have to make up for it later and I may even be punished for it or at least have to suffer for many lifetimes because I’ve hurt so many people in my life. I’m afraid that I’ve piled up a lot of bad karma and maybe I’ve blown it this lifetime and I’ll have to start over again and again in lower forms of life.
Katie: Who would you be without the thought that we reincarnate?
Henry: Less fearful. Freer.
Katie: Reincarnation may be a useful concept for some people, but in my experience, nothing reincarnates but a thought. “I. I am. I am woman. I am woman with children.” And so on, ad infinitum. Do you want to end karma? It’s simple: “I.” “I am”— is it true? Who would I be without this story? No karma whatsoever. And I look forward to the next life, and here it comes. It’s called “now.” Let’s look at the next statement.
Henry: Death is painful.
Katie: Can you really know that that’s true?
Henry: I can’t.
Katie: How does it feel when you believe the thought that death is painful?
Henry: It feels stupid now.
Katie: “Death is painful”—turn it around. “My thinking…”
Henry: My thinking is painful.
Katie: Isn’t that truer?
Henry: Yes. Yes.
Katie: Death was never that unkind. Death is simply the end of thought. Fantasy without investigation is painful, sometimes. Let’s look at the next.
Henry: Death is the end.
Katie [laughing]: That’s a good one! Can you really know that that’s true?
Henry: I can’t.
Katie: Isn’t that one of your personal favorites? [The audience laughs.] How do you react when you think that thought?
Henry: Up to now, I’ve always been afraid.
Katie: “Death is the end”—turn it around.
Henry: My thinking is the end.
Katie: The beginning, the middle, the end. [Henry and the audience laugh.] All of it. You know how to die really well. Have you ever just gone to sleep at night?
Henry: Yes.
Katie: That’s it. Dreamless sleep. You do it really well. You sleep at night, then you open your eyes, and there’s still nothing, there’s no one awake. There’s never anyone alive until the story begins with “I.” And that’s where life begins, with the first word you think. Prior to that, there’s no you, no world. You do this every day of your life. Identification as an “I” wakes up. “I” am Henry. “I” need to brush my teeth. “I” am late for work. “I” have so much to do today. Before that, there’s no one, nothing, no black hell-hole, only peace that doesn’t even recognize itself as peace. You die very well, sweetheart. And you’re born very well. And if things get rough, you have inquiry. Let’s look at your last statement.
Henry: I never want to experience the fear of death again.
Katie: “I’m willing…”
Henry: I’m willing to experience the fear of death again.
Katie: Now you know what to do with it. So give it a shot. “I look forward to…”
Henry [laughing]: I look forward to experiencing the fear of death again. I’ll try my best.
Katie: Good. There’s no place, there’s no dark hole you can go into, where inquiry won’t follow. Inquiry lives inside you if you nurture it for a while. Then it takes on its own life and automatically nurtures you. And you’re never given more pain than you can handle. You never, ever get more than you can take. That’s a promise. Death experiences are just mental experiences. And when people die, it’s so wonderful that they never come back to tell you. It’s so wonderful, they’re not going to bother. [Laughter] That’s what investigation is for. So, sweetheart, look forward to the fear of death. If you’re a lover of truth, set yourself free.”
[Excerpted from the book by Byron Katie & Stephen Mitchell Loving What Is, chapter 12, Making Friends with the Worst That Can Happen. You can find Byron Katie’s website at https://thework.com.]
James Leese
January 11, 2021
